Living with BPD: Small Steps Toward a Life Worth Living

Kyle Lincoln
Apr 12
9 min read

Woman with bubbles — Cover for *7 Days Inside: Borderline* "Living with BPD"

Episode Summary

Living with BPD can feel overwhelming, but small, intentional choices can make a meaningful difference. In this final episode, Kyle Lincoln explores what it means to build a life worth living with BPD. Learn how radical acceptance and values-based living offer a practical foundation for navigating emotions, making choices that align with what matters, and staying grounded through life’s challenges. They also discuss systemic barriers to care, the importance of advocacy, and the diversity of experiences within BPD. Whether you're just starting your journey or continuing to grow, this episode offers encouragement, clarity, and concrete tools for the road ahead.

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Episode Transcript

Transcript, Introduction (Part 1)

[Kyle]: Hello and welcome back to 7 Days Inside Borderline. I’m Kyle Lincoln, your host and a counselor in private practice based in Salem, Massachusetts. Today, we’re wrapping up our series on borderline personality disorder, or BPD. This final episode is all about living well with BPD. We’ll take a closer look at radical acceptance and values-based living, walk through practical ways to navigate life more effectively, and share where to find support after this series ends.

[Kellyn]: Hi everyone, I’m Kellyn. I work with Kyle at the practice, and if you’ve been listening from the beginning, you’ve heard us explore how BPD affects relationships, emotions, and everyday life. We’ve covered a lot. And in this final episode, we’re tying those threads together. We’ll talk about what to do next if you want to keep learning or need ongoing support. By the end, we hope you’ll have a clearer sense of how to build a life that feels worth living—even with the challenges that come with BPD.

[Kyle]: That’s the goal. Today’s episode isn’t about presenting something brand new—it’s about highlighting tools that are proven to help people with BPD build lives that feel more manageable and meaningful. It’s not about eliminating every struggle—that’s not realistic. It’s about learning to live with a sense of balance, direction, and purpose.

[Kellyn]: I love that framing. It’s not about “fixing” yourself or trying to meet some impossible standard.

[Kyle]: Exactly. And we’re going to explore that idea through two foundational practices—radical acceptance and values-based living. These are central to Dialectical Behavior Therapy, which we talked about in episode 5, but they’re also part of a broader conversation about what it means to live well. So let’s start with the first: radical acceptance.

Transcript, Radical Acceptance (Part 2)

[Kyle]: Radical acceptance is a cornerstone of wellness practices and it's something I've seen transform lives. Let me tell you about a hypothetical person Maya who was struggling after a breakup. She kept thinking “this shouldn't have happened,” and that thought trapped her in a cycle of guilt and anger.

[Kellyn]: That sounds pretty heavy. Like a burden that won't lift. It's surprising how powerful a single thought such as “this shouldn't have happened” can be in keeping someone stuck.

[Kyle]: Exactly. One of the first steps Maya took after the breakup was writing down what happened in the relationship without adding judgment or blame, just the facts. At first, it was difficult for her to even look at what she'd written. But over time, she started saying, “This hurts, but it's real. I can't change it.” And that simple shift helped her to focus on what she could control, like setting boundaries with her ex or investing time in things that brought her a peace of mind.

[Kellyn]: So, even just a simple perspective shift gave her room to breathe. It seems that once you acknowledge the situation as it is, you're freed up to decide what comes next.

[Kyle]: And that's what radical acceptance is about. It's not pretending things are okay. It's about releasing the energy we waste fighting reality so we can focus on healing and moving forward. For Maya, it meant accepting her feelings and the breakup itself and then using that acceptance to take meaningful steps towards wellness.

[Kellyn]: For listeners who might want to try this, where should they begin?

[Kyle]: So, let's walk through the process together. First, when you're overwhelmed, take a moment to pause. Notice what you're feeling. Whether it's anger, sadness, frustration—maybe just acknowledge it without judgment. You might say to yourself, “This is what I'm feeling right now.”

[Kyle]: Next, name the reality of the situation. Stick to the facts like Maya did. Write them down if it helps. For example, instead of saying, “This shouldn't have happened,” say, “This is what happened.” Notice any assumptions or judgments and rewrite the facts as necessary. By grounding yourself in what's true, you can create a foundation for moving forward.

[Kellyn]: I really like that actually because it feels like that step alone is like you're cutting through all the noise of the what-ifs.

[Kyle]: Then give yourself permission to feel the pain. Tell yourself, “This hurts, but it's real.” Pain is a part of life and accepting it makes it easier to cope.

[Kyle]: And finally, choose one small action to take care of yourself in that moment. Maybe it's taking a walk, calling a friend or practicing mindfulness. The key is focusing on what you can control.

[Kellyn]: Accepting pain doesn't seem very easy, but I guess it's not about doing everything at once, but making small, intentional choices.

[Kyle]: No, that's exactly it. Radical acceptance isn't a one-time thing. It's a practice. And each time you choose acceptance, you build resilience and open the door to new possibilities in the future. And it pairs beautifully with our next topic: values-based living.

Transcript, Values-Based Living (Part 3)

[Kyle]: Building on radical acceptance, let's talk about another important aspect of wellness: values-based living. For most clients, we often start with what I call maintenance skills like accumulating positive emotions. So, this is just a skill that helps you maintain well-being. In the short term, this might look like choosing to engage in things you find enjoyable and being mindful of them—whether that's a favorite meal, a walk in nature, or even a conversation with a friend. These moments can be powerful. But as a life plan, if we rely only on short-term positive feelings, our lives can become self-focused and directionless.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. Focusing purely on feeling good can be short-lived.

[Kyle]: Yeah, exactly. Values help us to take a longer-term perspective. They guide us to think beyond immediate gratification and instead align our actions with what really matters in life. For example, a value might be kindness, or creativity, or family connection. Living in alignment with these values helps ensure that we're not just chasing fleeting emotions, but building something meaningful.

[Kellyn]: That sounds a lot like a grounding approach. Do you have any examples of how this works?

[Kyle]: Yeah, of course. Let me tell you about another hypothetical person—Sophia—who felt stuck in a cycle of emptiness. Now, she was accumulating positive moments like binge-watching her favorite shows or spending time on hobbies, but it really wasn't giving her a sense of direction, and she felt stuck. So, we explored her deeper values—things like helping others, being authentic, and staying close to her family. Once she identified these, we began to plan her days around them.

[Kellyn]: What kinds of changes did Sophia make?

[Kyle]: I think they were small but intentional ones. For instance, she started volunteering at a local shelter once a week, which aligned with her value of helping others. She also made it a point to have dinner with her parents every Sunday, which helped her to stay connected to her family. You know, these weren't massive shifts, but they helped her feel more aligned with who she wanted to be.

[Kellyn]: Yeah. So just even small things like having dinner with her family made huge changes for Sophia. She didn't have to completely overhaul her life.

[Kyle]: Exactly. That's the beauty of values-based living. It's about taking small, intentional steps that align with your core beliefs and priorities. And when you're living in alignment with your values, it's easier to weather life's challenges because you're grounded in something bigger than yourself.

[Kellyn]: For listeners who want to get started with this, how can they identify their values?

[Kyle]: Okay, so a good place to start is reflecting on moments that brought you fulfillment or pride. So, ask yourself these questions: What was I doing? Who was I with? What qualities were important in that moment? Now, write down your answers and look for patterns. You can pause here if you need to. Another approach is to think about people you admire—what values do they embody that resonate with you?

[Kyle]: You know, once you've identified a few key values, think about just one small specific action that aligns with this value. For example, if generosity is a value, you might commit to a small act of kindness every week, like donating your change or just being generous with your time and energy. Let me give you a few moments to consider this for yourself.

[Kellyn]: Okay, so a moment that came to mind for me happened this week when I got to spend time with my roommates. We all have very different schedules and sometimes I forget to check in with them and just ask little things like how their day is going. And so, having time to like have a meal together and chat and laugh—it made me realize that that's something I want to do more often. So maybe for this week, a challenge that I can do is text my roommates more often, see if there's anything I can get for them at the grocery store. Little things like that. I think something I really value is my relationship with them and with people in general. That's where a lot of my happiness comes from. So, I want to make that a value.

[Kyle]: Yeah, that's great. So I heard you go from a place of saying something happened—it was incidental—to “I want to make it intentional.” And values-based living is about creating intentionality in your choices. It’s not going to remove challenges, but it gives you a framework to navigate any challenge with purpose.

[Kyle]: Now, we'll bring these ideas together as we wrap up this episode with some final thoughts on living well with BPD.

Transcript, Wrap-up (Part 4)

[Kyle]: As we wrap up 7 Days Inside Borderline, I want to emphasize that wellness with BPD isn’t about achieving perfection or trying to erase every struggle. Rather, it's about exploring ways—such as radical acceptance and values-based living—that can help you maintain perspective and cultivate meaningful growth. While there’s no fixed formula, these approaches can reduce the energy spent fighting reality and offer a clearer sense of direction. Over time, they may help create a life that feels worth living, even during tough moments.

[Kellyn]: I appreciate the focus on perspective and growth. Throughout the series, we've seen how small, consistent shifts—like acknowledging what's real or choosing to act in line with personal values—can gradually transform how we handle day-to-day challenges. It's not about instant solutions. It's not about perfection. It's about noticing what works and building on it, one step at a time.

[Kyle]: That’s a good summary of this episode—and in fact, a good callback to some earlier episodes in this series. Wellness is ultimately an ongoing process shaped by patience, self-compassion, and the willingness to adapt. Progress might be slow, but with practice, it does come. And if there’s one key message we hope you’ll take away, it’s that you are more than your challenges. From emotional regulation to strengthening relationships, each tool we've discussed can create space for growth and healing—without demanding that you become someone else.

[Kyle]: If you're looking to explore more, there are great resources available, and we've included a few of those on the website—kylelincolncounseling.com.

[Kyle]: And remember, this is just the beginning. Whether you've been tuning in since episode one or you're jumping in on this one, we encourage you to keep exploring what resonates with you. There's no single right path to wellness. Adapt the tools you've learned here and discover what feels most supportive to you.

[Kellyn]: Thank you so much for joining us on this journey. We hope our conversations have offered some hope, encouragement, and concrete ideas for your own growth. If you'd like to reach out with questions, share your experiences, or suggest future topics, we'd love to hear from you.

[Kyle]: Yes, we're grateful for the time you spent with us. Thank you. Always remember that small steps add up. You're not alone, and there's support out there—from professionals to peers—whenever you need it.

[Kellyn]: We wish you continued courage and compassion on your journey. Take care of yourselves, and until next time, stay well.

Resources for Living with BPD

Radical Acceptance Worksheet. Want to try out radical acceptance for yourself? This worksheet offers a simple guide to help you practice acknowledging reality without judgment and identify small next steps.

Values Checklist. If you want to clarify your values and find direction, this printable card sort helps you reflect on what matters most—so you can begin aligning your daily actions with your core priorities.