BPD Crisis Management: Understanding and Navigating Difficult Moments

Kyle Lincoln
Feb 22
11 min read

Mandarin oranges with text — Cover for *7 Days Inside: Borderline* "BPD in Crisis"

Episode summary

In this episode of 7 Days Inside: Borderline, Kyle Lincoln explores what happens when a crisis disrupts stability for individuals with BPD—and how to navigate it. Breaking down the three key components of a crisis, Kyle examines why certain responses emerge and how to build a personalized coping toolkit that actually works. Instead of seeing crises as moments of failure, Kyle reframes them as opportunities for growth. With practical strategies for self-advocacy, crisis planning, and skill-building, this episode provides tools to regain control, reduce distress, and move toward long-term stability.

Listen to this episode

Episode transcript

Transcript, Introduction (Part 1)

[Kyle]: Hi, and welcome back to 7 Days Inside: Borderline. I’m Kyle Lincoln, a counselor in private practice based in Salem, Massachusetts.

[Kellyn]: And I’m Kellyn. I work behind the scenes at Kyle’s practice and am here as a learner to help guide today’s conversation.

This podcast miniseries is designed to be a mental health resource.

We explore the realities of living with Borderline Personality Disorder—or BPD—and we try to keep it practical.

[Kyle]: It’s also a way for you to get to know me if you’re considering counseling.

Today, we’re diving into the topic of BPD and crisis. Crises can feel overwhelming, but they’re also opportunities for change. In this episode, we’ll break it all down—from understanding what a crisis is to creating a plan for the future. We’ll talk about what defines a crisis, why they happen, and how to navigate them. By the end of this episode, you’ll hopefully have a few more tools at your disposal to manage crises in ways that support growth and resilience.

[Kellyn]: Before we dive in, a quick reminder: This podcast is for educational purposes only. It’s not a substitute for professional counseling or crisis support. If you are in immediate need, please reach out to a trusted therapist or a crisis hotline. You’ll find helpful links in the show notes.

[Kyle]: Thanks, Kellyn. With that said, let’s get started.

Transcript, Defining a Mental Health Crisis (Part 2)

[Kyle]: Before we explore the different ways we might respond to a crisis, let’s define what a crisis actually is. From a mental health perspective, a crisis isn’t just about what happens—it’s about how you experience it.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s not just the situation itself—it’s how it disrupts what feels stable or manageable for someone?

[Kyle]: Right, take this example. Two people lose their jobs. One sees it as a chance to start fresh, the other feels like their world is falling apart. The situation is the same, but how they experience it makes all the difference. There are three components to a crisis:

• an event,

• your perception of that event, and

• when your usual coping methods stop working.

[Kellyn]: So it’s not just the event itself, like losing your job, but it’s about whether your go-to strategies are effective at managing the stress?

[Kyle]: Yes. A mental health crisis seems to happen when your typical problem-solving isn’t working anymore, and the stress from unmet needs keeps building without relief. It’s like trying to put out a growing fire with an empty bucket, and eventually you become overwhelmed because the size of the fire feels unmanageable.

[Kellyn]: That’s a really helpful way to think about a crisis.

[Kyle]: Now, one of the most important things I’ve learned is that every response you have in a crisis, especially risky behaviors common in those with BPD, serves a purpose. Everything you do is functional, even things that seem dysfunctional are functional. If you experience a devastating loss and find yourself using self-harm to cope or regulate overwhelming emotions, or to communicate your distress, it is important to recognize that this behavior is your way of trying to address a problem or fulfill a need. While it may not be the healthiest approach, it reflects an attempt to manage overwhelming emotions. When working with clients I will often try to help them to become curious about their own behaviors and how they are useful from the perspective of crisis management.

[Kellyn]: That’s a different way of looking at it. You’re saying that even the responses we want to stop are trying to help us in some way?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Understanding the function behind these responses doesn’t mean you have to agree with or like the behavior, but it gives you insight into why it’s happening and what might work better in the long term.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. So, instead of just labeling a behavior as bad, you’re encouraging people to get curious about it?

[Kyle]: Yes, curiosity is the key. Ask yourself, “What am I trying to solve with this behavior?” Or “What do I need right now that I’m not getting?” For instance, if you’re calling-out sick from work as a way to escape conflict with your supervisor, get curious about the function behind the avoidance. You might realize that functionally you’re seeking safety or calm, and projecting conflict at work because it’s easier than addressing what’s really going on inside.

[Kellyn]: Hmmm, I might have to rewind the podcast to understand what you just said. But, it makes me wonder, what if someone doesn’t know how to figure out why they’re doing what they’re doing with crisis brain?

[Kyle]: That’s a great question. Sometimes it helps to map out the chain of events. Start with the prompting event—what happened right before the behavior? Then, identify the emotions and thoughts that followed. The more facts you can link to the behavior, the better. Finally, look at the behavior itself and ask, “What did this do for me?” What was the result? Did it propel me to ask for help? Did it make my pain visible to others because I didn’t know how to ask for help? Was it a form of revenge? Self-sabbotage? You can be a detective in your own life.

[Kellyn]: I like that idea of being a detective. It makes it feel less overwhelming and more about discovery.

[Kyle]: Exactly, and it can be a helpful way to refocus your attention in a crisis. Once you understand the function behind what you’re doing, you can start exploring other ways to meet the same need. For instance, if self-harm helps you regulate emotions, you might try grounding techniques to bring your focus to the present moment or physical activities like squeezing a frozen mandarin orange, which is a harm-reduction technique. The key is not just taking something away without replacing it, because that will leave a functional gap in your life. One of the ways crisis can propel change is by giving you the chance to expand your toolkit.

[Kellyn]: So, step one is understanding the why behind the response. What’s next?

[Kyle]: So, once you’ve mapped out the why, once you understand the function, it’s time to build a toolkit for healthier responses. We’ll break down some practical strategies in the next segment.

Transcript, Coping Skills Exercise (Part 3)

[Kyle]: Let’s talk about coping skills.

[Kyle]: Developing off of previous segment, the tools we develop for our mental health are most effective when they match the specific function you need. In this segment, we’ll keep exploring the function behind different coping strategies and practice sorting ideas into categories you can use to build your own toolkit.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s not just about finding a few go-to tools—it’s about understanding what works for different situations and why?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Every coping skill has a purpose. Some are great for calming your body, or self-soothing, others for processing emotions, connecting with others, or shifting your perspective through distraction or mindfulness. Matching the tool to the job is what makes it effective. Let’s make this interactive. Grab a piece of paper and divide it into four sections. Label them: calm your body, process emotions, connect to others, and shift your perspective.

[Kellyn]: Got it—I’m ready.

[Kyle]: I’m going to give you a list of coping ideas. Your job is to classify them into the category you think fits best. Some might overlap, but just go with what makes sense to you.

[Kellyn]: Okay, let’s do it!

[Kyle]: Here’s the first one: deep breathing.

[Kellyn]: That’s “calm your body,” for sure.

[Kyle]: Next: journaling.

[Kellyn]: “Process emotions.”

[Kyle]: What about calling a friend?

[Kellyn]: “Connect to others.”

[Kyle]: Now, how about practicing gratitude?

[Kellyn]: “Shift your perspective.”

[Kyle]: Nice job. Let’s pick up the pace. Here’s the full list. Listeners, you can play along and write these down in your own categories:

• Stretching

• Making artwork

• Holding an ice cube

• Writing a letter you don’t send

• Talking to a therapist

• Doing a puzzle

• Joining a support group

• Taking a walk outside

• Radical acceptance

• Make a to-do list

• Venting to a friend

• The 5-4-3-2-1 method

• Prayer or meditating

• Taking a warm shower

• Taking a cold shower

• Listening to music

• Watching something funny

• Squeezing a stress ball

• Lying down beneath a weighted blanket

• Videogames

• Reflecting on your values

• Setting small goals

• Listening to calming music

• Playing with a pet

[Kyle]: As you go through the list, notice how different tools fit different functions. Some might even fit into more than one category, and that’s okay.

[Kellyn]: This is actually really fun—and it’s helping me think about what tools I might already use or could try.

[Kyle]: That’s a good point! This list is far from exhaustive. It’s just a start. Once you’ve sorted everything, you can focus on trying a few ideas. The more you practice, the more those ideas become skills you can rely on. I’m not sure if anyone else makes this distinction, but I believe there’s a difference between coping ideas and coping skills. A coping idea is something you think might work—it’s untested. A coping skill is something you’ve practiced, refined, and built into a habit, so you know it works for you.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s about testing out tools, not just coming up with a list?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Experimenting outside of crisis turns ideas into reliable skills. Another thing to keep in mind is that the process isn’t always linear. Some tools may work for a while and then stop, or they may become more useful later in life. I’ve found that it’s also helpful to have a few tools that are geared towards times when emotions are feeling pretty intense, like Tipping the temperature.

[Kellyn]: I don’t think I’ve heard of that one.

[Kyle]: For this one, you pretend you are in a pool and trying to hold your breath for 30 seconds, or as long as you can. It actually helps to fill a bowl with cool water and fully submerge your face in it. Without getting too technical, this activates the dive reflex, which helps slow your heart rate and calm intense emotions.

[Kellyn]: I love how accessible these coping ideas are, like everyone has a popcorn bowl.

[Kyle]: As we wrap up this section, remember the goal is to keep learning about yourself and to practice these ideas outside of crisis because coping ideas are just ideas. No one can develop a skill for you. That takes work. And you need skills to navigate crisis. In the next segment, we’ll talk about how to take these tools and create a personalized plan for the future.

Transcript, Planning Ahead (Part 4)

[Kyle]: Now that we’ve explored how coping skills serve different functions, let’s talk about how they come together in the bigger picture of managing a crisis. Earlier, we defined a crisis as a moment when your usual coping methods stop working. When we think about crisis management for someone with BPD, it’s less about finding new tools or creating a new plan in the moment and more about using tools and strategies you’ve already built.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. But if someone’s tools aren’t working in the moment, how do they start using them again?

[Kyle]: That’s where the idea of a health-activating response comes in. A crisis can feel paralyzing, but the goal is to take small, actionable steps that help you reconnect with your existing skills. It’s about creating a pathway back to what you already know works for you.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s not about trying to invent something new in the middle of a crisis—it’s about finding a way to get back on track?

[Kyle]: The key is simplicity. Start with what feels:

Do-able: Something you know you can take action on.
Controllable: A step within your power.
Low-resistance: Something unlikely to create additional conflict.

For example, if you’re in a conflict with a loved one, you might not be able to resolve it right away. Instead, focus on an action like stepping away to listen to calming music or tidying up your space. These small actions can create space to breathe and think more clearly.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. But what about when someone is in a high-pressure environment, like an ER, a crisis center, or even interacting with the police?

[Kyle]: That’s where self-advocacy becomes critical. These environments can feel disempowering, especially for someone with BPD, but advocacy is a way to regain some control. In these situations, focus on small, specific requests that others can realistically meet. For example:

“Can I sit somewhere quieter?”
“Can you explain what’s happening one step at a time?”
“I need a moment to calm down before I can answer.”

These kinds of requests acknowledge the intensity of the situation while giving others a clear way to help.

[Kellyn]: That sounds helpful, but it must be hard to think of those things in the moment. How can someone prepare for that?

[Kyle]: Preparation is key. Some people even call it making advance directives. Writing down what helps you or even go-to phrases ahead of time can make advocacy easier during a crisis. It’s also important to practice using these tools in less intense situations so they feel more natural when you need them.

[Kellyn]: So, even if the environment is chaotic, having something prepared gives you a way to navigate it?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Self-advocacy doesn’t have to be perfect—it’s about trying. And over time, those small acts of advocacy can build confidence and reinforce the idea that you’re capable of managing crises.

[Kellyn]: That’s a really empowering perspective.

[Kyle]: That’s the goal. Crisis management isn’t just about getting through the moment—it’s about using what you’ve practiced to take steps toward stability and growth.

Transcript, Wrap-up (Part 5)

[Kyle]: As we’ve explored today, crises can feel overwhelming, but they don’t have to define you. Managing a crisis starts with preparation—developing coping tools into reliable skills through practice and focusing on what’s manageable in the moment.

[Kellyn]: I’ve learned that it’s not about having all the answers but about building and practicing those skills ahead of time so they’re ready when you need them.

[Kyle]: Exactly. For someone with BPD, crisis management isn’t about expecting perfection or fixing everything at once. It’s about reducing distress, creating clarity, and taking small, meaningful steps forward. Those steps, over time, build resilience and confidence.

[Kellyn]: And even if it feels like progress is slow, each step helps create more stability and control, which is so important during a crisis.

[Kyle]: That’s right. Crises are hard, but they’re also moments of opportunity. By practicing and refining your coping tools into skills, learning to advocate for your needs, and focusing on what’s within your control, you’re laying the groundwork for future growth.

[Kellyn]: For anyone listening, remember that you’re not alone. If anything in this episode spoke to a current crisis in your life, remember there is help. Reach out to a trusted therapist or crisis resource. There are helpful links for you in our show notes.

[Kyle]: Thanks, Kellyn. And thank you to everyone who joined us today. Take care, and remember: the skills you develop now can help you navigate even the hardest moments. Until next time.

Resources for BPD Crisis Management

Lindsay Braman's Free Printable Worksheet for Safety Planning, which looks like this:

Planning Ahead for the Weekend Worksheet

Phone Numbers for Crisis

Find your local Community Behavioral Health Center contact info: Massachusetts Behavioral Health Access > Mental Health Services > Find Provider Openings > CBHC (Community Behavioral Health Centers) > Search

Call or text 988 for Suicide Prevention Life Line