Understanding Borderline Personality Disorder: History & Meaning

Kyle Lincoln
Feb 1
9 min read

Updated: Feb 4

Cover art for the podcast 7 Days Inside BPD, featuring bold text over a colorful background. The podcast explores Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) through real experiences and expert insights. — Cover for *7 Days Inside* BPD: Understanding BPD's History & Meaning

Episode Summary

In this episode of 7 Days Inside: Borderline, Kyle Lincoln breaks down what BPD is and how it has been historically misunderstood. He explains that the term “borderline” originally described individuals who didn’t fit neatly into early psychiatric categories but has since evolved to capture three core struggles: intense emotional swings, a deep fear of abandonment, and an unstable sense of self. Through two fictional case studies—Elena, who internalizes emotions, and Marcus, who externalizes them—Kyle illustrates how BPD can present differently while still following common patterns. The episode highlights the “paradox of closeness,” where the desire for connection conflicts with the fear of rejection, shaping relationships in complex ways. By the end, listeners better understand BPD beyond stereotypes or casual misuse of the term.

Listen to this Episode

Episode transcript

Transcript, Introduction (Part 1)

[Kyle]: Hey, everyone, and welcome to the first episode of 7 Days Inside Borderline Personality Disorder. I’m Kyle Lincoln, a counselor in Salem, Massachusetts. I’ll be your host for these seven episodes. Joining me is my co-host, Kellyn, who handles billing and marketing at my practice.

[Kellyn]: Hi, everyone! I’m excited to be part of this series. I’ll be asking questions, keeping us on track, and learning alongside all of you.

[Kyle]: Thanks, Kellyn. Before we dive in, I want to share a quick note. While my main focus as a counselor is on treating trauma, I’ve worked with many clients who identify with BPD. Through my training and these experiences, I’ve gained valuable insights that I’m eager to share.

This podcast is a way to share knowledge and help you get to know me if you’re looking for a counselor. It’s also meant to provide educational resources. Remember, this is for information only and not a replacement for professional counseling. If you’re struggling with any of the issues we discuss—everything from what BPD feels like to how it’s treated—I encourage you to reach out to a professional and use the resources we mention.

[Kellyn]: Kyle, we have a lot to cover on Day 1. Where should we begin?

[Kyle]: Let’s start with a broad overview: what BPD is, how it was historically misunderstood, and what the different subtypes might look like. Later, we’ll also explore how people with BPD both need and fear close relationships, creating real paradoxes in therapy and personal life. Think of this episode as laying the groundwork for the whole series.

[Kellyn]: Sounds good!

Transcript, Defining Borderline Personality Disorder (Part 2)

[Kellyn]: I’ve heard the term “borderline personality disorder” used so casually, almost like an insult. Maybe to describe a person being dramatic about something. But I know there’s more to it. Why do we even call it “borderline”?

[Kyle]: The label “borderline” actually dates back about a century. At that time, doctors used it to describe people who didn’t quite fit into the established mental health categories. They weren’t experiencing the prolonged breaks from reality seen in schizophrenia, called “psychosis,” but they also weren’t just dealing with anxiety or nerve diseases called “neurosis.” The term described those on the border between these diagnoses, and the term stuck, even though we understand things differently today.

[Kellyn]: So the name doesn’t really reflect what we know now?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Today, when we talk about borderline personality disorder, we’re describing something that typically revolves around three main struggles:

intense emotional swings,
a deep fear of rejection or abandonment, and
a difficulty maintaining a stable sense of self.

It’s like living with emotions that are turned up to maximum volume, but without a clear sense of how to turn the dial down.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s about feeling intense emotions, being afraid of losing people, and not always knowing who you are?

[Kyle]: That’s a good summary, but let me clarify, because I’m sure 100% of people navigate these things. The intense emotions aren’t just strong, but they can feel overwhelming or unmanageable. The fear of losing people isn’t just about worrying—it’s a deep sense of panic that can trigger strong reactions. And the difficulty with identity isn’t just uncertainty; it can feel like a complete lack of a stable sense of self. Does that make sense?

[Kellyn]: Yeah, that makes a lot more sense. Do we have examples to help bring this to life?

Transcript, Two Case Studies (Part 3)

[Kyle]: Absolutely. We wrote out two case studies, Elena and Marcus, hypothetical of course, to highlight how these patterns can show up differently for people. So, Kellyn will read about Elena and I will read about Marcus.

[Kellyn]: Elena is a graphic designer who loves expressing herself through art. She cherishes her close friendships, but she’s often overwhelmed by the fear that she’ll do something to drive her friends away. From the outside, Elena appears quiet and thoughtful, but inside, her emotions can feel like a whirlwind.

[Kyle]: Marcus, on the other hand, is a high-energy sales manager who thrives on competition and enjoys motorcycling on weekends. He’s charismatic and quick to make friends, but he’s also deeply sensitive to criticism and has a hard time managing conflict in his personal relationships. Marcus loves the thrill of his job but struggles with the intense highs and lows that come with it.

[Kellyn]: They sound pretty different—Elena seems introspective, while Marcus seems outgoing.

[Kyle]: Exactly, and their differences are part of what makes BPD so complex. Let’s look at how each of them experience Intense Emotional Swings.

Intense Emotional Swings

[Kellyn]: For Elena, emotional swings often feel internal and overwhelming. A small disagreement with a coworker might leave her feeling deeply ashamed, thinking, “I’m the problem. Everyone will leave me eventually.” When she’s overwhelmed, she isolates herself, canceling plans and spiraling deeper into feelings of hopelessness. Her emotions can shift rapidly from sadness to shame, making it hard for her to recover from even minor conflicts.

[Kyle]: Marcus also experiences emotional swings, but his reactions are more external. After a stressful day at work, he might get into an argument with his partner over something minor, like forgetting to take out the trash. That argument could escalate quickly because Marcus feels unappreciated, and his frustration spills out as anger. His emotions move from frustration to guilt in minutes, leaving him feeling drained and misunderstood.

[Kellyn]: So, for Elena, the emotions are more internal, and for Marcus, they come out in his interactions with others?

[Kyle]: Right. Both experience emotional intensity, but it shows up in different ways. So, let’s move on to the second characteristic: Fear of Rejection or Abandonment

Fear of Rejection or Abandonment

[Kellyn]: For Elena, this fear of rejection or abandonment often leads her to overthink and withdraw. For example, if her best friend cancels plans, Elena might immediately think, “She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore,” and stop reaching out altogether. Her fear creates distance, even though she deeply wants connection.

[Kyle]: Marcus, on the other hand, acts impulsively when he fears rejection or abandonment. If his partner doesn’t respond to his text messages quickly, he might send a string of follow-ups or accuse them of ignoring him. His actions often push people away, even though he’s trying to hold on to them.

[Kellyn]: It’s like their fear causes them to act in ways that bring about the very thing they’re afraid of.

[Kyle]: That’s exactly right. This fear can be a self-fulfilling cycle if it’s not addressed.

Unstable Sense of Self

[Kyle]: The last category is an unstable sense of self.

[Kellyn]: Elena often feels like she doesn’t know who she is outside of her relationships. She has close friendships and tries to see her friends at least three times a week. When she does, she feels confident and valued, but if her friends are busy or even if she’s too busy, she might spiral into self-doubt, wondering if she’s even worth being friends with. Her identity feels fragile and dependent on external validation.

[Kyle]: For Marcus, instability shows up as a constant need to prove his worth through achievements. After closing a big sale, he feels on top of the world, but if a deal falls through, he’s filled with self-doubt and frustration. His identity feels tied to his successes and failures, leaving him vulnerable to the highs and lows of his work life.

[Kellyn]: So for both of them, their sense of self depends a lot on what’s happening around them?

[Kyle]: Yes. Without a stable internal sense of self, it’s easy to shift core parts of yourself based on what others say or life circumstances. But, recognizing these struggles is the first step toward finding ways to manage them.

Transcript, The Paradox of Closeness (Part 4)

[Kellyn]: To recap, we’ve talked about three core aspects of BPD:

intense emotional swings,
a deep fear of rejection or abandonment, and
a difficulty maintaining a stable sense of self.

[Kellyn]: Breaking those down really helped lay a solid foundation for my understanding of BPD, and it seems like these patterns are very closely tied to their relationship with others; Elena with her friends and Marcus with his partner.

[Kyle]: Relationships are a big part of the experience. For both Elena and Marcus, connection is crucial—but it’s also where things feel most vulnerable. This creates what I call the “paradox of closeness.” They deeply want connection, but at the same time, they’re terrified of rejection or abandonment.

For example, Marcus might interpret a quiet moment from his partner as, “They don’t care anymore,” even if it’s just a bad day. That fear can lead him to lash out or act impulsively, not because he doesn’t love his partner, but because he’s trying to protect himself from getting hurt.

[Kellyn]: And what about Elena? She seems to handle things differently.

[Kyle]: That’s right. Elena’s fear often turns inward. Let’s say her best friend cancels plans. Instead of saying how she feels, Elena might think, “I must have done something wrong,” and pull back. She might stop replying to texts or avoid reaching out, which only reinforces her fear of being abandoned.

[Kellyn]: It sounds like both of them are caught in a cycle—wanting closeness but reacting in ways that make it harder to stay connected.

[Kyle]: Exactly. That’s one of the most challenging parts of BPD. This fear of abandonment can even show up in therapy. Imagine Marcus or Elena starts trusting their therapist, but then a session gets rescheduled. That small change might feel like a rejection, making them want to quit therapy altogether—not because they don’t want help, but because it feels safer to leave before they’re let down.

[Kellyn]: That’s such a tough cycle. So how do they start to break it?

[Kyle]: It’s not easy, but it’s possible. Therapies like Dialectical Behavior Therapy, or DBT, help by teaching two key skills: accepting that their pain and fears are real, and learning new ways to respond to those fears.

For Marcus, that might mean pausing when he feels overwhelmed and asking himself, “Is my partner really pulling away, or could they just be tired?” For Elena, it might mean sharing her feelings with her friend instead of withdrawing: “Hey, I felt a little hurt when you canceled—are we okay?”

[Kellyn]: It sounds like the right tools and support make a huge difference.

[Kyle]: They really do. The paradox of closeness is tough, but it’s also the key to healing. With patience, support, and the right skills, people with BPD can learn to feel safe in their relationships again.

Transcript, Wrap-up (Part 5)

[Kellyn]: We’ve covered a lot today, from the history of BPD to how it shows up in daily life and relationships. Can you give us a quick preview of what’s coming in the rest of the series?

[Kyle]: Absolutely. In Episode 2, we’ll focus on navigating relationships—why closeness can feel scary and how to build healthier connections. In Episode 3, we’ll explore managing emotions, learning practical skills to handle those intense swings. Episode 4 will address self-harm and suicidal thoughts, offering hope and strategies for safety.

In Episode 5, we’ll talk about treatment options—therapies, medication, and how to find what works for you. Episode 6 shifts to supporting someone with BPD, showing how to be an ally without losing yourself. Finally, in Episode 7, we’ll focus on day-to-day life with BPD—how to grow, find balance, and create a meaningful future.

[Kellyn]: Sounds like a solid plan. I’m glad we’re diving deeper into relationships next, because that came up a lot today. I think people will also want to hear about treatment and how loved ones can help.

[Kyle]: Definitely. Relationships, treatment, and support are huge topics. If you’re listening and see yourself in what we’ve described, I hope you know there’s real reason to believe in progress. BPD isn’t just a label—it’s a range of experiences that can improve with the right support.

[Kellyn]: That’s such an encouraging message. We’ve touched on the stigma, the confusion about the term “borderline,” and the ways BPD can complicate emotions and relationships. But you kept coming back to one truth: it’s treatable.

[Kyle]: Exactly. Nobody is stuck forever in the hardest parts of BPD. Yes, it can feel overwhelming, but there’s always a way forward. Therapy and supportive relationships can make a huge difference.

[Kellyn]: Thanks for laying the groundwork, Kyle. I’m excited for Episode 2.

[Kyle]: Thank you, Kellyn. And thanks to everyone for tuning in. Until next time.

[Kellyn]: Bye!

Resources for Defining Borderline Personality Disorder

Educational Resources on BPD

BPD Demystified (Robert Friedel's website)

Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir by Marsha M. Linehan

National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder (NEA-BPD)

Videos from McLean Hospital

Self-Assessment & Screening Tools

While a formal diagnosis should always come from a qualified mental health professional experienced with BPD, there are reputable self-reporting tools and educational resources that can help someone reflect on whether they relate to BPD symptoms. The McLean Screening Instrument for BPD (MSI-BPD) is a widely used self-report tool for identifying BPD traits. BPD Demystified also offers an online test.