What Happens After EMDR Ends? Life After EMDR

Kyle Lincoln
Nov 4
17 min read

A person journaling in the woods with a large “7” and the words “Days Inside… EMDR.” — Cover for *7 Days Inside: EMDR* "What Happens After EMDR Ends? Life After EMDR"

Episode Summary

Endings can be both tender and hopeful. In this final episode of 7 Days Inside: EMDR, counselor Kyle Lincoln from Salem, Massachusetts, and co-host Kellyn reflect on what it means to “end well” in therapy. They discuss how EMDR evolves from reprocessing painful memories to building future templates—practicing new responses, choices, and connections in real life.

The episode introduces two key concepts: Containment and Resource Mapping. Containment helps you safely hold distressing thoughts between sessions, creating boundaries that protect your daily life. Resource Mapping brings together all the grounding tools from the series—breathing, visualization, and sensory techniques—into a personal toolkit that keeps you steady long after therapy ends. Through real-life examples and gentle guidance, Kyle and Kellyn remind listeners that healing doesn’t erase the past; it restores freedom in the present.

Disclaimer: The content shared in this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only and does not replace professional EMDR training, certification, or therapy. For official training or resources, please visit EMDRIA.org.

Listen to this Episode

Episode Transcript

Transcript, Introduction (Part 1)

[Kyle]: Hi everyone—welcome back to 7 Days Inside: EMDR. I’m Kyle Lincoln, a counselor here in Salem, Massachusetts.

[Kellyn]: And I’m Kellyn, I work at the practice doing the billing and the marketing. Great to be back with you all.

[Kyle]: For our last episode!

[Kellyn]: Wow… episode seven already. Can you believe it?

[Kyle]: When we first started this series, it felt like we had a long journey ahead. And now here we are at the finish line.

[Kellyn]: Honestly, I didn’t think we’d get here so fast. Looking back, I remember how EMDR sounded almost intimidating to me at the beginning. It didn’t seem like the kind of therapy I was familiar with—you know, talk therapy, just talking through things. EMDR was new and a little scary.

[Kyle]: And now?

[Kellyn]: Over these episodes I’ve realized how powerful it is to identify those memories that hold you back, the ones you might not even know are shaping your present. I didn’t expect that bilateral stimulation could help your brain file them in a way that gives you more freedom day‑to‑day.

[Kyle]: That’s a great reflection!

[Kellyn]: And the more we practiced the skills—breathing, calm state, light stream, butterfly hug—the more I felt like EMDR wasn’t just theory. It was something I could even use in the middle of real life.

[Kyle]: So by episode 7 you’ve become a convert? Well, speaking of final episodes, as a counselor, I think a lot about how to end well with clients. Endings can be hard and they can be a celebration, and both are worth naming. Endings give us a chance to look back and notice just how far we’ve come, and anticipate what is still to come.

[Kellyn]: And that’s what today is about—ending well.

[Kyle]: We will sketch a vision for life after EMDR, talk about relapse‑and‑repair without shame, and highlight the signals that tell you healing is happening, even when the days aren’t easy. Plus we’ve got one last key term: Containment—how to hold what’s still tender so it doesn’t spill everywhere. And then we’ll finish with Resource Mapping—putting your supports, skills, and routines on paper so you can see them and use them. This series was meant to help those flirting with the idea of EMDR, and those in an early stage of the treatment, so it is unlikely that you are ending your treatment after you listen to this episode. But perhaps, it can give you a sense of hope and a vision for what will happen when it comes time for your last session. Everyone has a last session.

[Kellyn]: Great, let’s begin.

Transcript, Life After EMDR, A Vision (Part 2)

[Kyle]: An important question we have to ask in trauma work is whether we are ready to face whatever comes up. If it’s your trauma, maybe you’re asking "How do I stay safe when I start reprocessing my memories?"

[Kellyn]: Before we jump into answering this question, I want to make sure I know exactly what you mean by “staying safe”; right now, it feels a little vague.

[Kyle]: That's a good question, and you're right to ask it so directly at the front of this segment. When we use the word "safety" in EMDR, it can mean something different than what the average person might hear. For many people, hearing "safety" immediately brings to mind the most serious risks, like suicide, fire setting, running away, having a manic episode, drunk driving. And while preventing any kind of serious harm is the absolute, non-negotiable bottom line, the way we achieve that in EMDR is by focusing on the safety of the process itself. So, when I talk about safety, I'm referring to clinical procedures and guardrails designed to keep the work from becoming overwhelming or, in a word, retraumatizing.

[Kellyn]: Okay, so how do therapists and counselors make sure that doing EMDR isn’t retraumatizing?

[Kyle]: We ensure safety through three foundational pillars that are built into the therapy itself: thorough preparation, careful screening, and proper closure. The first pillar is that we practice skills before we ever start the memory work. The second means that we complete a mandatory screening initially and throughout. The third means you are always in control of the pace and can stop at any time, and it's my job to match the therapy to your level of stability especially towards the end of sessions.

[Kellyn]: Oh, so the first pillar is about resources, like what this whole series is about? Isn’t that what Phase 2 is in EMDR?

[Kyle]: Exactly. Before we approach any difficult memory, we spend as much time as needed teaching and practicing specific skills to make sure you can manage emotional distress. This always includes foundational techniques like diaphragmatic breathing or developing a personalized Safe or Calm State you can go to in your mind. We don't move forward until we are both confident that you have a reliable toolkit to keep you grounded.

[Kellyn]: So you're packing the safety equipment before the journey even begins. So, it's not just "here are some skills, good luck."

[Kyle]: No, it's "let's build and practice these together until we're both sure you're ready." Prior to a therapy like EMDR, almost always, people learn to cope in ways that manage, avoid, or wall off pain in order to function and survive. These aren’t the kinds of tools that EMDR uses or teaches. For some people, this therapy, for the first time, asks them to do the opposite: to turn and face the memory, in a controlled and safe way, so that it can actually heal. That requires different kinds of tools—not for avoiding, but for staying present, and for living through pain.

[Kellyn]: Interesting. What's the second pillar?

[Kyle]: The second pillar is careful and continuous screening for vulnerabilities. A therapist has a responsibility to conduct a thorough history to identify factors that might make the process riskier. We assess for current life crises, lack of social support, and especially for the presence of a dissociative disorder, which requires a much slower, more specialized approach. This screening ensures the therapy is tailored specifically to your needs and stability.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. It's not a one-size-fits-all process. So you prepare, and you screen. What’s the third pillar?

[Kyle]: The third pillar is using formal closure at the end of every single session. Because memory work can stir things up, it's a non-negotiable rule in EMDR that you don't leave the office in a hig[Kyle]: We’ve got a big task today: how to end treatment well and how to picture life moving forward. That’s not simple. Trauma doesn’t just give you bad days; it can eclipse the life you would have lived. A neighborhood, a friend group, even a whole chapter of your story can go offline. And every person’s journey back looks different. That’s why generalizing is hard—and why we need a vision that can flex to real lives.

[Kellyn]: The theme I’m hearing is limits. Trauma draws lines around things—places you can’t go, people you can’t be with, roles you can’t hold. And it’s not just internal. There’s fallout in the real world. I watched a video once that talked about the “thinning” of relationships after trauma. A kid stops going to practice, drifts from school, burns a bridge with a coach, and suddenly a whole web of support goes quiet. Those losses stack up.

[Kyle]: Exactly. And even after good therapy work, those consequences don’t magically reset. You might have new skills and a calmer body, but you’re still off the team, still not welcome in a group you hurt when you were in survival mode. Life after trauma is a life of repair. Not because you caused the trauma, but because you’re the one living the next chapter.

[Kellyn]: That feels honest and hopeful at the same time. Honest because the consequences are real. Hopeful because “repair” is a way to describe how people keep living, not a guarantee that everything snaps back.

[Kyle]: Right. And I’m careful not to be triumphalistic about “reclaiming your life,” as if it’s easy. Think of an older woman who leaves an abusive marriage. Ending it is a profound relief, and there’s still debt, thin savings, friendships she let atrophy to survive, and a career she never got to build. EMDR can help her find steadiness, widen her window, and face the truth she avoided—but it doesn’t hand her a painless life. What it gives is reality‑based freedom: enough balance and clarity to meet the life she actually has.

[Kellyn]: I appreciate that framing—reality‑based. It reminds me of people who cope by holding on to things. A listener might recognize themselves in that: “If I let go, I won’t be safe.” Therapy can surface the meaning behind the stuff, but then there’s the human question: What does repair look like when the dust settles?

[Kyle]: Often, ordinary. The insight opens a door, and life on the other side isn’t a montage—it’s a sequence of quieter moments that start to add up. I think of someone who had to over‑function as a kid because a parent was sick and died. They learned, “If I don’t hold everything together, it all falls apart.” As an adult, EMDR helps them see that belief. Repair looks like testing a new posture in real time—naming a need, letting someone else carry part of the load, tolerating the wobble that closeness brings, and discovering that support can hold. Not once, but repeatedly, until the new story feels true in the body.

[Kellyn]: Which is messy and brave. And it highlights why the way you end therapy matters, too.

[Kyle]: Yes. I use a soft off‑ramp when possible—weekly to bi‑weekly to monthly, then a three‑month check‑in. Part of what shifts is the power dynamic. At the check‑in, you’re not coming back to be fixed; you’re reporting on a life you’re living. The questions aren’t assignments; they’re mirrors: “Are the perspectives holding? Where did repair show up? Where is it still thin?” Those meetings carry a quiet pride—I see people doing the hard, ordinary things: re‑enrolling in a class, writing the overdue apology, saying yes to help, saying no to an old hook. Not perfect lives; well‑lived ones.

[Kellyn]: And for listeners: you are the main character here. Therapists are side characters—guides, not saviors. The measure isn’t “Am I symptom‑free forever?” It’s “Am I meeting the real crises of my life with more clarity, choice, and connection?”

[Kyle]: Exactly. Erik Erikson talked about how each life stage brings its own crisis—places where we either stall or grow. Ending EMDR doesn’t mean life stops asking hard questions. It means you’re better equipped to answer them. That equipment, for many people, looks like three capacities getting stronger over time—not tasks to complete, but ways of being to notice:

Clarity: You can tell old alarms from present problems. You know when to soothe and when to act.

Choice: You take value‑aligned steps, small and steady, instead of reflexive ones.

Connection: You repair more often and more quickly—within yourself and with others.

[Kellyn]: I like that these aren’t instructions. They’re more like the feel of life when it’s changing.

[Kyle]: That’s the intent. Recovery isn’t the drug‑commercial montage with surfboards and barbecues. It’s you walking back into the same house with sturdier beams. Some rooms are still under construction. Some doors stay closed for now. But the foundation holds. You can invite people in without the whole place collapsing.

[Kellyn]: That picture carries both grief and hope—grief for what was lost, hope for

what can be rebuilt.

[Kyle]: And that’s the balance I want for listeners. EMDR is not an eraser. It’s a way of updating how memory, sensation, and belief map onto the present so you can meet your real life. From there, repair becomes a posture—boring at times, beautiful at others—not a checklist.

[Kellyn]: So no exercises here—we’ll save those for later.

[Kyle]: Exactly. Next up we’ll name Containment—a way to hold what’s still tender so it doesn’t spill everywhere. And we’ll end the episode with Resource Mapping, where we’ll actually lay out supports, skills, and routines in one place. For now, hold the picture: you, in the same life, with sturdier beams and a steadier center.

[Kellyn]: That’s enough for this segment.

[Kyle]: Let’s move on.

Transcript, Essential Concept, Containment (Part 3)

[Kyle]: We have made it to our final word, and today’s word is Containment. If you’ve been following along, you know we’ve been setting the table for EMDR reprocessing. We need to talk about a foundational skill for managing what happens between sessions. Therapy can stir things up, and it’s really important to have a way to handle difficult thoughts or feelings that arise, without letting them overwhelm your daily life. The concept we use for this is called Containment.

[Kellyn]: Containment. That’s a word you hear in a lot of different contexts. What does it mean when we’re talking about therapy and mental health?

[Kyle]: In this context, containment is the practice of creating an intentional, temporary boundary around distressing thoughts, memories, or emotions. It’s the ability to acknowledge something is there, and then consciously set it aside for a designated time. It’s a skill that promotes emotional self-regulation.

[Kellyn]: So, it’s not the same as just “stuffing” your feelings or pretending a problem doesn't exist? This almost sounds like compartmentalizing to me.

[Kyle]: You’re not far off actually. It is a little like compartmentalizing, but there are some important distinctions. Stuffing things away or suppression is often an unconscious, fearful reaction, a defense mechanism—pushing something down and hoping it goes away. Containment is a conscious, deliberate choice. It comes with a promise: “I am setting this aside for now, and I will come back to it at a safe time, like in my next therapy session.” In fact, when you deal with one traumatic memory at a time, you have to choose to set aside a thousand other things you could be thinking about. You have to choose to focus, which also means choosing to compartmentalize, but within the frame of a therapy that intends to process things eventually. Between sessions, containment is a conscious coping skill, a tool that you learn and choose to use deliberately.

[Kellyn]: That makes a lot of sense. For someone whose brain feels like it’s always “on,” with a hundred thoughts running at once, that sounds like learning how to use a pause button.

[Kyle]: It’s the ultimate mental pause button! And there are many ways to practice it. One very common and effective way is through a visualization exercise. This is where people might have heard of a "container."

[Kellyn]: Ah, so the "container" is one example of how to practice the concept of containment. What does that look like?

[Kyle]: We guide a person to use their imagination to create a container that, for them, represents strength and security, something strong enough to hold whatever you put in it, disturbing or distracting thoughts, feelings or memories until you determine you are ready to face them. Some people might imagine a high-tech bank vault. Others might picture something like a hollowed-out log in a forest. I’ve heard everything from a simple, sturdy shoebox to a magical bag that can hold anything. The imagery isn’t as important as the feeling of security it provides.

[Kellyn]: So people can really get creative with it. It’s not just a one-size-fits-all mental box.

[Kyle]: The more personal, the more powerful. Once they have their container, they practice visualizing themselves placing a specific worry or intrusive thought inside of it, and then securely closing it. The goal is to make it a multi-sensory experience—feeling the weight of the lid, hearing the click of the lock, knowing it’s safely stored.

[Kellyn]: I could see how that would be a really empowering feeling. But what if, for example, I had intense trauma, how can I be sure that the container would keep those memories contained long enough for me to eventually reprocess them?

[Kyle]: It’s a fair question. Containment is a skill you can practice. In the exercise, you imagine placing a memory or memories in, pouring then in, or letting them be drawn into the container in any way your imagination wants to picture it. This provides temporary relief and a sense that I can control this process. Of course, you’re not actually locking things away. It’s more like you are gaining perspective over your situation. Containment is the ability to keep processing in some ways. You have to contain, because you need to do things one step at a time.

[Kellyn]: And this is something you’d want someone to be comfortable with before starting the deeper EMDR work?

[Kyle]: Absolutely. It's a foundational safety skill. EMDR reprocessing can be like stirring up a snow globe; things can be unsettled for a bit. Containment is knowing the snow globe will settle. We might use it to close a reprocessing session, making sure you can walk out the door and live your life without feeling consumed by the work you just did. It’s what keeps the healing process from spilling over and disrupting everything else.

[Kellyn]: So it’s really about creating healthy boundaries with your own mind. You’re learning that you can visit the difficult stuff without having to live there.

[Kyle]: You just said it perfectly. It's the skill of visiting, not moving in. It’s how we make sure the powerful work of healing remains healing, rather than becoming re-traumatizing. It’s a cornerstone of safe and effective trauma therapy.

Transcript, Skill-Building Exercise, Resource Mapping (Part 4)

[Kellyn]: It’s kind of wild that we’re already at the last skill in the series. I feel like we’ve covered so much ground.

[Kyle]: I agree. Today, we’re ending a little differently. Instead of introducing one more technique, we’re going to step back and reflect on what we’ve already practiced—and talk about where someone could go from here.

We’ve spent six episodes introducing skills from Phase Two of EMDR—the part of the process where we build capacity, safety, and stability before doing any trauma processing. And today, we want to help you map what’s already working and imagine what else might be useful.

[Kellyn]: That makes sense. It’s one thing to try a bunch of things—it’s another to stop and say, “What actually helped?”

[Kyle]: Exactly. The goal of resourcing isn’t just to practice techniques—it’s to develop your own internal system for shifting states, reconnecting with safety, and staying grounded in the present. Each of the six skills we’ve covered was designed to help your nervous system learn something: not just how to calm down, but how to return to calm when life pushes you away from it.

Let’s walk through those six.

First, we practiced Creating a Calm State—tuning into a safe or peaceful image and letting your body feel what it’s like to settle.

Then we did Diaphragmatic Breathing, a slow, structured breath that trains your body to shift into the parasympathetic, rest-and-digest state.

After that, we used the Light Stream Visualization to soften a physical or emotional sensation, using imagery to bring relief and release.

Next came the Butterfly Hug with Affirmations—a rhythmic, left-right tapping technique combined with kind, stabilizing words to ground you in your body.

Then we tried the Spiral Technique, which helped you move through tension by noticing its direction and gently shifting how it flows.

And finally, we explored the Breathing Shift—a way to pause, notice how you’re breathing, and make one small change that brings you back into awareness.

[Kellyn]: It’s been surprising how different each one felt—even though they’re all working toward the same goal. Some of them helped me feel calm. Others helped me feel present. But I think the biggest thing is that I started to recognize what helps me shift—like which tools connect fastest with my body.

[Kyle]: And that’s the work. It’s not about mastering every skill—it’s about figuring out what your nervous system responds to. Some people need movement. Some need imagery. Some need sound, or contact, or a phrase they can repeat.

This is where something like a Resource Journal can help.

[Kellyn]: Like a little record of what works?

[Kyle]: Yes. It can be simple. One page for each tool you’ve tried—how you felt before, what helped, what didn’t. You might start to notice patterns. Maybe you regulate faster when you add music. Maybe writing something down helps more than repeating it in your mind. This journal becomes a resource in itself.

[Kellyn]: That also gives you something to bring to therapy if you’re just starting or considering EMDR. It’s like saying, “Here’s what I know about myself already.”

[Kyle]: That’s a great point. And if you’re already in EMDR, the journal can guide what happens next in Phase Two.

You might start doing more resource development—like building up inner figures or imagined support systems. You might explore music or movement as regulation tools. You might learn to create a container—a mental space where you can set aside intrusive material. Or, if you have dissociative symptoms, you might work with your therapist on safely connecting with parts of self or internal states.

[Kellyn]: It’s helpful to know that resourcing isn’t just the warm-up—it’s real work. It’s the work that makes the next phases possible.

[Kyle]: That’s exactly right. And it’s never wasted. Every time you practice one of these tools, you’re helping your body remember what safety feels like. And when the time comes for deeper work, that memory becomes your anchor.

So if you’re listening and wondering what to do next, here’s your invitation: pick the tools that worked best. Practice them. Write about them. Talk about them. Make them your own.

This is the beginning of a much bigger story—but it starts by learning what helps you stay present, safe, and steady

Transcript, Wrap-up (Part 5)

[Kellyn]: That feels like a perfect place to land. Today we explored what life after EMDR can look like, we talked about relapse-and-repair without shame, and we practiced making support visible with Resource Mapping.

[Kyle]: And we connected it all back to the foundation of the series—revisiting why preparation matters, how pacing works, and the six core skills that build stability: creating a calm state, diaphragmatic breathing, light stream, the butterfly hug, the spiral technique, and the breathing shift. When you add today's Containment skill, you have a great toolkit.

[Kellyn]: I also loved the three markers you offered for spotting change—signal clarity, value-aligned choices, and relational flexibility. Those give me something concrete to keep an eye on in real life.

[Kyle]: Exactly. Progress isn’t a straight line; it’s about the recovery time getting shorter and the freedom to choose your response getting wider. When a hard day shows up, use that sequence we practiced: notice, name, regulate, then respond.

[Kellyn]: Before we sign off, can you leave our listeners with that reflection prompt and a simple plan for the week?

[Kyle]: Absolutely. For your reflection, just ask yourself: “Where did I notice even a small shift this past week? A faster recovery, kinder self-talk, or a choice that matched my values—and what helped make it happen?” And for an action plan, keep it simple: pick one regulation skill to practice, one person to connect with, and one routine to anchor yourself, whether it's sleep, movement, or a daily pause. Put them on your Resource Map where you can see them.

[Kellyn]: That's so simple and doable. For anyone who's early in their EMDR journey or just considering it—and you're who we made this for—I hope today gave you a clear picture of what “ending well” can feel like.

[Kyle]: Me too. Remember, EMDR isn’t about erasing the past; it’s about restoring choice in the present. You’re not broken, and change is absolutely possible.

[Kellyn]: Thank you for walking this journey with us. If you want links to any of the exercises or a printable Resource Map, you can find everything at kylelincolncounseling.com.

[Kyle]: We’ll be back in a few months with a new series. Until then, keep practicing, notice those quiet markers of growth, and remember: you’re not alone in this work.

[Kellyn]: From both of us—thanks for listening to 7 Days Inside: EMDR.

[Kyle]: Be well.

Resources for What Happens After EMDR Ends? Life After EMDR

EMDR Preparation Skills Checklist. I designed this checklist is a tool to help you practice and master the grounding and resourcing skills that form the foundation of EMDR therapy. Consistent practice helps these skills become second nature, allowing you to access them whenever you need to feel more stable and calm. Use this log to track your practice and make notes to discuss with your therapist.

“Getting Past Your Past” by Francine Shapiro, Ph.D. A foundational book from the creator of EMDR that explains how trauma is stored in the brain and how EMDR helps unlock emotional freedom.